Filling out my weekly To Do list earlier, I realized there were a few things on there that have been there for quite the last few weeks, if not months. And I’m not talking about regular things like cleaning out my car at the end of the week or vacuuming. I’m talking about things that, once completed, will be off the list(s) for a much longer time.

For instance, I finally used the headlight restorer on both of our cars, both of which had a milky glaucoma look to them and now sparkle like cut crystal. Total time? Roughly 20 minutes. However it’s been on my To Do list since February or so, haunting me and waving a stupid foam finger in my face each time I wrote it on a brand new To Do sheet. Of course I had my reasons like, “Oh the weather is awful,” (yes, more the reason to make my headlights work their best) or I don’t have the time. Then on Sunday, I just put on my big girl pants and did it.

So while filling out my To Do list, I looked at a few other items and gave myself a healthy dose of the bitingly sarcastic reality check I normally reserve for people who try to BS. I actually, with a blasé face, said to my list, “Reeeeeally?” I bet I can knock 4 items off in less than an hour. Little inconsequential things that seem much more sinister after they stalk you for longer than a week after being put on the To Do list the very first time.

The reason I feel this warrants a post is, after many years of feeling ungrounded and floundering, I finally started to get my footing late last year/early this year. Then the very destructive habits I developed during those ungrounded years tried to work their way back into my life. I knew that I was on the precipice of falling back into the floundering ways I’d gotten used to and had to give myself a reality check to get back on track.

I’m really trying to work toward being the person I was when I was happiest with myself. Someone I lost connection with before I even met Ralph. I really want to find that joy again…and let Ralph see me as the “real” me.

The year started out really well with me participating in, and completing, a calendar exchange. I hope I can keep that momentum going and get my other project wishes done. First and foremost is to finally do the b440 site. We’ve never had one. Sad, huh?

Others are a collaborative site, because I don’t know how to do any of the coding required; a logo and design for Ralph’s project site; continue on with the oil paint series I started, assuming the library is no longer being used for storage space; MAYBE themayocynic site; MAYBE the craftsy site and associated products I’ve been imagining.

I feel like I want to do too much, but that I have to at least make the effort to try. I just really wish all my client work wasn’t last-minute rushes. It really does get ridiculous.

I’m usually pretty good with To Do lists as long as I have some sort of deadline. When I’m on the ball, simply putting “Friday” as the cut-off works. When I’ve been rather out of it, as I have lately, I need something more poignant. I had a one-week To Do list I wanted completed before our trip to Portland. I threw in some things that were very easy to accomplish just so that on rough days, I would have something to cross off. I also threw in some doozies just to see if any would get done. As of tonight, only two things are left and one was the biggest doozie of them all. I doubt that one, recaulking and sealing the kitchen sink so that it can cure by the time we get back, will not be completed, but I’m okay with it. I got ALL of the others done (once I drop some things into the mail).

A couple of wrenches were thrown into the weekend plan. The biggest and hardest for me is that the dogs will not be coming back from “summer camp” aka the kennel until Tuesday instead of Monday. Apparently not enough people would be picking up their dogs on Memorial Day, so ours have to stay one more night. It kicks me in the gut just thinking about it.

Otherwise, we just have to pack and we’re all set. If it doesn’t rain tomorrow, I will water everything not on a sprinkler one more time. By the time we get back it should be good gardening weather. Maybe I can kick butt on garden projects that are easier to do when I don’t have two schnauzer supervisors inspecting everything I’m working on…very closely…as I’m working on them.

So, as I’ve said, I’ve been creatively burnt out for at least 3 years. All my quick/local efforts to rectify this don’t seem to help as much as I hope. That’s why I’m looking forward to Portland like someone with a bursting bladder panically runs to the bathroom; relief and knowing that everything will be alright if I can just make it there.

That being said, I’m finding that I’m losing my patience with clients where I normally wouldn’t. I would never let them see that, but when I’m alone I do sit and grumble, rail against indignities and claim to cut them off after the current project is completed. But, as I soothe myself with the thought of “it’s almost Portland time!”, I wonder if it’s just me and my burnt-out state. Granted, there are one or two clients that I know I’m getting my chain yanked by, but what about the rest?

Am I literally at a serious breaking point? Can it be fixed, healed or mended whether or not I actually reach that point? Do I let the dam break in a non-client environment and just see what comes out of the wreckage? I’m trying so hard to not let the seams burst, but what if bursting in a “controlled environment” will do me more good than trying to keep it all together? Does it sound stupid to just have a good cry right before the trip so that I let it all out and go on the trip with a clean frame of mind?

This all sounds so silly, high school and trite when I say or write it, but I know what I’m feeling does not feel right. I’d rather try all the possible options rather than just let it eat at me until I lose all love and passion for creative work. I never want to lose the high I feel when I’m doing something creative. I do want to lose the guilt I feel when I see all my art supplies or see the portfolios and projects of others.

It’s worth fighting for, and if fighting means allowing myself to crash & burn, break and/or bawl uncontrollably like a baby so that I can bring myself back up, I’ll do it. It scares the hell out of me, but I will. 22 days until Portland.

Had a date with Cody last night. We went to dinner and then watched “How To Train A Dragon” in 3D. He’d already seen it before but was more than happy to see it again with me since we’re both dragon lovers. It was a cute movie. Afterward, I stopped by the grocery store on the way home to pick up ingredients for tonight’s dinner (I’d promised Ralph meatloaf on Thursday and, due to a meeting running longer than expected, didn’t have time to make it). Having a date with Cody, shopping in an empty grocery store and driving home at night all hit me with a wave of nostalgia. Of a time when I would spend a lot of time out of the house to avoid my mother, or, when I was living on my own, living without so many obligations that I could just roam a grocery store at night. Of course, coming home I still had to work on jobs for clients and the normal day-to-day stuff, but the feeling didn’t leave me for the rest of the night. I don’t long for those single-life days, but I do miss a lot of who I was back then. A more creative, freer spirit. That’s what I’m trying to recapture again. I need to let a lot of the mundane things not weigh so heavily on my shoulders. I don’t know why or when I let things weigh on me so much, especially the little things.

Thanks to the spring cleaning I’m doing, I’m feeling re-energized to make good on a lot of things on my resolutions list. Oh, a few have passed their expiration date, but better late than never, right? The year’s only a third of the way through, so if I hustle, I can probably make a decent showing. Plus, with the trip to Portland, I’m hoping my creativity will get an even bigger boost. I really feel broken in some aspects of my life, so I need to fix things. One step at a time, as long as I’m not standing still. Stopping to smell the roses is all fine and dandy, but first, I need to have roses to smell.

We’re planning a 4-day weekend in Portland for the end of May. Our anniversary is May 7 and our tradition is to travel and buy a piece of art (rather than buying each other gifts). I haven’t been to Portland in years and was very inspired when I was there. I’ve been feeling like I’m in a creative slump for the last 3 years, but we never got a chance to get away for some reason or another.

We booked a room in a really funky and gaudy hotel. The location is ideal. I had apprehensions about taking the trip because I hate leaving the dogs, even if we can get Cody to bring Chance over to housesit. But as each day passes, I am looking forward to it. Everything but the humidity. I’m not looking forward to the swelling up. When I was in Portland visiting Cody, I woke up with him laying next to me, just staring. He smiled and said, “You’re so beautiful.” I thought it was odd and got up to go to the bathroom…to see that half my face was so swollen, my eye was shut. That was the night we were going to see Weezer :( Fingers crossed that I don’t swell up that much again *shakes fist at the Humidity Gods.

Tonight we went back for our second dinner at Hiroba Sushi. Even after our first time there, we knew that it already replaced Sushi Pier 2 as our favorite.

The first time we went, our party of three filled the remaining empty seats at the bar, but it felt like we got our chef’s undivided attention. Tae, our chef, chatted with us and recommended rolls for us to try. Tonight, being a Sunday, the restaurant was not busy but we got the same undivided attention from Tae.

What sets Hiroba apart from other all-you-can-eat restaurants in Reno is evident throughout your entire meal. First of all, the chefs have an artistic elegance about themselves. Dressed in a traditional Japanese ensemble, their movements seem precise and mastered. Not harried and rushed like other places in town. Second of all, the presentation of the food is beautiful and, well, there. Rolls like the Sunflower and Cope *could* be served in a normal row like most other maki rolls, or they can be served with a presentation that’s almost too pretty to eat.

Speaking of the Sunflower roll, I really do like the sushi rolls I’ve had that contain banana; the Sunflower at Hiroba and the Geisha at Sushi 7. Tae said most people shy away from the roll because it contains banana. When I first ordered it, he asked, “You know this has banana, right?” But I’ve found that it really goes well with the right combination of fish.

Other reasons Hiroba stands out:
– Appetizers are included in the all-you-can-eat price. TRY TRY TRY the Yakiton. The description says, “cream cheese wanton with seafood.” You’re thinking crab rangoon, right? Oh no my friend. Oh no. This is much better.

– There are no stars on the list of rolls that mean “for dinner only.” Granted, I haven’t been there for lunch so I don’t know if a different menu is put out for the lunch crowd or what, however the Spider roll is also unstarred and that is usually an á la carte-only item at other restaurants.

– Freshness counts. There’s just something fresher about the food at Hiroba. A big vat of spicy tuna is not premade to use throughout the day; on both visits, the rice cookers were changed while we were there and the cucumber salad you get when you first sit down is made when you sit down.

– Pickled ginger. I hate pickled ginger. I never eat the stuff. Palate cleanser my ass. It tastes and smells like Lemon Pledge. Ralph took a bite of his ginger and said that I had to try it because there was no hint of Lemon Pledge to it at all. He was right. It had an almost fruity-sweet taste to it before the ginger kicked in. Halfway through my meal, I even took another bite. That’s more pickled ginger than I’ve eaten in at least 5 years (ask Ralph. we’ve been together that long and he’s never seen me eat it).

– The A.Y.C.E. card. Hiroba is wise to acknowledge that many people like a great deal. That’s why they’ve got their A.Y.C.E. (all-you-can-eat) card. Eat 10 all-you-can-eat meals, get your 11th for half off.

– Free Sake on Fridays & Saturdays. At least for now. Mind you, you’ll be dealing with the crowds those nights, but you’d be dealing with those crowds at other places that weren’t serving free sake anyway.

– Unique rolls. Yes, there are a handful of popular rolls (Godzilla, California, etc.) but the rest of what they offer is unique, blending great flavors and textures. You are reminded that sushi is also considered an art and not a “how many fish can I cram into this maki roll” contest (as Ralphie describes it).

– That damn tree. There is a black silhouette of a tree on the largest wall of Hiroba. I’m not saying it’s the best tree silhouette I’ve ever seen or that it’s the first mural to ever grace a Reno sushi bar wall (it’s not). But there is just something about it that constantly draws your eyes to it…my eyes at least.

Hiroba Sushi is worth the few extra dollars and trekking further than the 3 blocks to Sushi Pier 2 from our house. It not only satisfies your sushi craving, but makes going out for sushi exciting again.

So what do you do when you are finally facing the lead singer of one of your favorite bands, after making three attempts at building enough courage to walk right up to him? Well, my friends, if you are me, you let the adrenaline building up in you tell him that you don’t like one of his albums…

m: Chris? Could you please sign my cd covers?
Chris: Sure. *shuffles through the cd covers* Wow. You have all of them.
m: Well you’re one of my favorite bands.
Chris: Really? :)
m: *diarrhea of the mouth* I don’t have Stay What You Are with me because I’m really bad about putting cds back in their cases and I couldn’t find it in time to make the show. Do you have it here for sale? I’d be really happy to buy it again. It was the first album of yours I bought.
Chris: Was it? :)
m: *diarrhea of the mouth continues* Yes and I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it did help me through a really hard time in my life and I just wanted to say “thank you” for your music.
Chris: Thank you for coming to the show. :)
m: *diarrhea bonanza continues* I try to make all your shows. The first one I went to was when Ash opened for you.
Chris: Wow! Yeah. That was a great show. :) So is there a song in particular you want to hear tonight? :)
m: Freakish, Third Engine, Jessie My Whetstone…
Chris: :)
m: *diarrhea floodgates have opened* Anything, really. I just, well, of all your albums I just couldn’t get into Can’t Slow Down as much as the others…
Chris: :|
m: so, um, anything really. I just want to be able to sing along with at least one song.
Chris: :| Thanks for coming to the show.

Aaaaannnd then I was dismissed. I feel dumb. I blame it on the adrenaline it took to give me the courage to walk up to a stranger whose music I admire so much. The show, in fact, was incredible. The whole bar/club/lounge sang along with Chris on every song. He did sing Freakish and Jessie My Whetstone, but I’m sure not because of me. Several people in the crowd were shouting for them to be sung. As far as Third Engine, I’m thinking it’s one of the songs that he needs the rest of the band for. He had to apologetically not play a few requests because he said that he needed the band for those songs.

Afterward, I decided to make him suffer my presence again. I went up to tell him the show was incredible (hahhahaa looking back, he seemed very wary of me when I went up to him again). Then I told him that his music always seems to cleanse my blood, which it does and that’s how I’ve described the band’s music to people over the years. I think that was enough of a truce for him because he said, “Awww” and gave me a hug. I thanked him again for the great show and wished him safe journey on his tour.

I feel bad that I basically told him,”I’d love to hear you play anything except any song from Can’t Slow Down, because that album sucked bung hole.” I honestly didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I love his music and it’s a good album. I just say stupid things. That is my way.

Hi all,

I live at 440 W. Arroyo, right off of Plumas. It’s a one-way street and I’m in the wrong direction from Plumas. So here are a few ways to get to my house:

From 395, exit on Plumb and go west. Make a right from Plumb Lane onto Plumas. The first light is Mt. Rose, where you will make a left. Your first right is Humboldt, right after Westside Chiropractic (Westsiiiiiide!). If you pass the 7-11 on your left, you missed Humboldt. After your right on Humboldt, you’ll turn right at the second stop sign, which is Arroyo. My house is the brick one right after the alley and has a brown picket fence. If you hit Plumas, you went too far.

From 80, exit on Keystone and follow it south to California Ave. On California, turn right onto Arlington. You’ll pass a school on your left and then a church. Right after the church is Arroyo. It is hard to see if you’re not looking for it, but it dead ends onto Arlington so there is no right turn, if that helps. Follow it down 3 or 4 “blocks”. After Humboldt, slow down because you are almost there. My house is the brick one right after the alley, brown picket fence. If you hit Plumas, you went too far.

If you are unlucky enough to be leaving from work, I take Sierra all the way down (it will turn into Plumas). Right after the soccer field, you’ll make a right onto Monroe. Take the first left (after the alley) which is Humboldt. Left again at the stop sign, which is Arroyo and my house is the brick house right after the alley with the brown picket fence. If you hit Plumas, you went too far.

Lost? Call my cell at 813-4462. Fair warning, my dogs are barkers, but they don’t bite at all and will settle down in a few minutes until the next person arrives.