Filling out my weekly To Do list earlier, I realized there were a few things on there that have been there for quite the last few weeks, if not months. And I’m not talking about regular things like cleaning out my car at the end of the week or vacuuming. I’m talking about things that, once completed, will be off the list(s) for a much longer time.
For instance, I finally used the headlight restorer on both of our cars, both of which had a milky glaucoma look to them and now sparkle like cut crystal. Total time? Roughly 20 minutes. However it’s been on my To Do list since February or so, haunting me and waving a stupid foam finger in my face each time I wrote it on a brand new To Do sheet. Of course I had my reasons like, “Oh the weather is awful,” (yes, more the reason to make my headlights work their best) or I don’t have the time. Then on Sunday, I just put on my big girl pants and did it.
So while filling out my To Do list, I looked at a few other items and gave myself a healthy dose of the bitingly sarcastic reality check I normally reserve for people who try to BS. I actually, with a blasé face, said to my list, “Reeeeeally?” I bet I can knock 4 items off in less than an hour. Little inconsequential things that seem much more sinister after they stalk you for longer than a week after being put on the To Do list the very first time.
The reason I feel this warrants a post is, after many years of feeling ungrounded and floundering, I finally started to get my footing late last year/early this year. Then the very destructive habits I developed during those ungrounded years tried to work their way back into my life. I knew that I was on the precipice of falling back into the floundering ways I’d gotten used to and had to give myself a reality check to get back on track.
I’m really trying to work toward being the person I was when I was happiest with myself. Someone I lost connection with before I even met Ralph. I really want to find that joy again…and let Ralph see me as the “real” me.