Filling out my weekly To Do list earlier, I realized there were a few things on there that have been there for quite the last few weeks, if not months. And I’m not talking about regular things like cleaning out my car at the end of the week or vacuuming. I’m talking about things that, once completed, will be off the list(s) for a much longer time.

For instance, I finally used the headlight restorer on both of our cars, both of which had a milky glaucoma look to them and now sparkle like cut crystal. Total time? Roughly 20 minutes. However it’s been on my To Do list since February or so, haunting me and waving a stupid foam finger in my face each time I wrote it on a brand new To Do sheet. Of course I had my reasons like, “Oh the weather is awful,” (yes, more the reason to make my headlights work their best) or I don’t have the time. Then on Sunday, I just put on my big girl pants and did it.

So while filling out my To Do list, I looked at a few other items and gave myself a healthy dose of the bitingly sarcastic reality check I normally reserve for people who try to BS. I actually, with a blasé face, said to my list, “Reeeeeally?” I bet I can knock 4 items off in less than an hour. Little inconsequential things that seem much more sinister after they stalk you for longer than a week after being put on the To Do list the very first time.

The reason I feel this warrants a post is, after many years of feeling ungrounded and floundering, I finally started to get my footing late last year/early this year. Then the very destructive habits I developed during those ungrounded years tried to work their way back into my life. I knew that I was on the precipice of falling back into the floundering ways I’d gotten used to and had to give myself a reality check to get back on track.

I’m really trying to work toward being the person I was when I was happiest with myself. Someone I lost connection with before I even met Ralph. I really want to find that joy again…and let Ralph see me as the “real” me.

After drooling over cute veggie gardens and potagers, I decided to rip out all of the clover in my veggie beds. Whether they did anything for me as a cover crop, I have no clue. I just know that they were smothering my brussels sprouts, onions and garlic and was unattractively patchy. The clover that grew along the soaker hoses were lush and healthy. Everywhere else was dirt.

Also, finally fed up with the crap weather, I went to Home Depot after work and got pvc, clamps and 4 mil plastic and made a hoop house over half of the bed that is right off the patio. I decided to let the pvc criss-cross when they go over the bed, then I zip-tied the point of intersection. This just feels like it provides a sturdier structure during a strong wind storm. Currently the plastic is thrown over and then held down by fist-size rocks…not really working. I’ll be trying to fix that after writing this post.

Then Saturday, left home alone, I took scraps from mending the fence and made a cold-frame-esque structure over my smallest veggie bed (aka my experiment bed). I also added a huge bag of soil, planted more tomato seeds and transplanted my scallions there. The 4 mil I threw over it was blowing around in the wind even worse, so with duct tape in hand, I made a nearly fitted cover over the frame. I know that one of the universal truths is anything made out of duct tape is automatically white trash. However, since this is a temporary solution only, I’m dubbing this my Ghetto Greenhouse. Besides, it rolls off the tongue better.

So between web surfing and then many of the gardens I saw in Napa, I feel like I’m back to square one as far as thinking of a future, more permanent veggie garden. I fear I won’t be able to come up with a solution that I will find as cute. I know that sounds dumb. It shouldn’t matter that it isn’t cute, but that it produces good crops. I want both.